The first year of my thirties is rapidly nearing its conclusion (hello, 31) and I have to say, the experience of moving into this new decade has, in and of itself, been pretty anticlimactic. Turns out, aging, accruing life experience, all that jazz, it’s more of a gradual process than an overnight kinda thing. Who knew?
That said, the “milestone” has provided a good vantage point for reflecting back on My Life So Far. Or my adult life, anyway. And, more specifically, on the life lessons I’ve been acquiring along the journey. Although I’d have missed out on some amusing anecdotes in exchange for the wisdom, my younger self definitely would have benefitted from me picking a few of these learnings up earlier than I did – so I thought I’d share them here, in case even one of them might be helpful to someone else.
Oh, and for clarity, the “you” addressed in the points below is, in fact, me. But it can also be anyone they resonate with. I just don’t like to make assumptions.
Here goes…
Thirty life lessons I’d learned by 30:
1. Trusting your intuition usually pays off. Especially about people. Sometimes you just know. Y’know?
2. Relationships with friends and family are neither static nor linear. They’ll probably shift and change, might grow closer or more distant, over time. And that’s okay. If we’re all growing – and therefore changing – as people, it makes sense that the way we relate to each other changes too.
3. Knowing someone a long time is not the same as knowing them well. Mostly because, per lesson #2, people are always changing. And also because it’s entirely possible to spend a lot of time in someone’s company without scratching past the surface.
4. Love is probably more pivotal to happiness than anything else. Not just the romantic variety.
5. And not just pivotal to happiness either. Studies suggest that fulfilling relationships (again, not only romantic ones) are among THE top predictors of wellbeing and longevity.
6. No relationship will fulfil every one of your needs – and nor should it. It’s unreasonable to expect any single person to give us everything we need emotionally, conversationally, intellectually, in terms of shared interests and activities, etcetera. Different people in our lives satisfy different criteria for our social health, and that’s a good thing.
7. Your life is not one story, with a clear plotline and a tidy trajectory. There isn’t going to be one happy ending, or one crisis moment. It’s not just a series of chapters; I reckon it’s more like a saga of different, sequential stories. With plenty of curveballs thrown into the mix.
8. Finding The One, romantically, is not The Ultimate Objective. Life is not complete, the game is not won, the story is not concluded, because you found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s wonderful, but it’s not The End. See #7. Took me a bizarrely long time to figure this one out. I blame Disney.
9. There are literally countless ways to find real fulfilment, great and small. Don’t listen to anyone (including yourself) who tries to prescribe to you the things you should be doing and the timeframes you should be doing them in, to achieve it.
10. Simple pleasures are not necessarily small pleasures. As in, sometimes the simplest moments bring the greatest joy. And day-to-day life is infinitely lovelier for learning to let yourself savour every second of those moments.
11. There is NO point pretending to be anything other than who you are to get people to like you. Hiding parts of yourself because you think they won’t appeal to someone, or adopting a facade that you think will, doesn’t achieve anything in the long run. Be unapologetically you, and reap the rewards of that natural filter sorting out who is and isn’t going to be a worthwhile addition to your life. You are not for everyone, and not everyone is for you. Thank God.
12. Nobody whose opinion matters gives a flying fuck if your nail polish is chipped or your roots are showing. Etcetera.
13. Not one random stranger on the street is staring at you in horror because you had the audacity to venture outside makeup free, or wearing your glasses. Look around; a LOT of women are doing it. You are neither an abomination nor an exception. Just another person. Entitled to leave their house clean-faced and contact-lens-less.
14. You’ll never be glad you said yes to sex with someone you didn’t want to have sex with. If saying no is a problem, they’re not someone you’ll be glad you said yes to. Read that again. It doesn’t matter if they think you’re a prude, or they’ll lose interest in you for saying no. If one or both of those things happen, they are categorically not someone you want in your life. Never mind your bed.
15. You’ll never regret not having one more drink on a night out. The reverse is not true.
16. Getting regular exercise does make you feel better. It just does. Accept it and move on.
17. “Low calorie”, “sugar free”, and “fat free” are not synonymous with “healthy” or “good for you”. Despite what diet culture and marketing moguls are trying their best to make you believe.
18. Eating healthily isn’t just about what you don’t eat. Giving your body all the good stuff it needs is SO important. I notice now, I don’t just feel rubbish when I’ve eaten too much crap – it’s also when I’ve not gotten enough fruit and veg over a few days.
19. Remember how unsettling it felt when younger-you discovered your parents don’t always know the answer? Buckle up, because it gets worse: neither does your doctor. Approach Doctor Google with caution of course, but if you really feel like something’s wrong and your (human) doctor’s dismissing it, don’t just drop it. Make a follow-up appointment with another doctor if you have to. Your health is too important to prioritise politeness over, or be complacent about.
20. Being “into” reading is a habit thing, like basically anything else. If you used to love reading and you can’t concentrate on it anymore, you can almost certainly get it back. Force yourself to read a few pages a day for a few weeks, and before you know it, you won’t be forcing anymore. I have talked to SO many people who’ve shared this experience.
21. Hobbies aren’t just for children, and neither is fun. Want to try the violin at 35? Do it. Still skateboarding at 40? Delighted for you. We don’t automatically age out of enjoyment, or curiosity, or joy. That’s a decision. Don’t make it.
22. In the same vein, learning doesn’t – or really shouldn’t – stop with formal education. And with the Internet at our fingertips night and day, there is a WEALTH of free resources available to all, covering pretty much any interest area or skill you can think of. God bless Youtube.
23. Sleep. Is. So. Important. Getting enough sleep, and getting good quality sleep, is critical for your physical and mental health. Literally changes your whole life. Prolongs it too, the science strongly suggests.
24. You cannot trust yourself when you’re tired. I can’t trust my feelings. I can’t trust my thoughts. I can’t trust my opinions. Having realised this, I do my best to avoid reacting to anything or making vaguely important decisions until I’m on the other side of a decent night’s sleep. It’s ridiculous how much better things can look after a few zzzs.
25. Capture every moment you can. We forget things at an alarming rate. Recording your memories with photos, videos and journalling is definitely something future-you will thank you for. Going back over my own camera reel and diary entries, I’m always astonished by the things I’ve forgotten; whole, lovely days that I enjoyed immensely at the time, vanished from my consciousness until the visual/written prompts rescue them from obscurity.
26. It’s a lot easier to maintain good mental health than it is to drag it back up out of the abyss. Keeping the healthy habits up when you feel fine is just as important as – and a hell of a lot less effort than – when you’re in a slump.
27. Going outside will improve your mood 95% of the time. The less you feel like doing it, the more you need to. If nothing else, just stretch your legs and get a few lungfuls of fresh air. Magic stuff.
28. We are each given a finite quantity of fucks to give in this lifetime. The older you get, the fewer remain. Ration them wisely. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
29. The idea that your happiness is tied to any particular age or stage is a load of rubbish. I’ve heard, variously, that your childhood, your teenage years, your student days, your twenties, are the best days of your life. They can’t all take top spot. Quite possibly, none of them do, for you. Health and wealth permitting, you are the architect of your own adventure. Personally, I’m pretty sure the best is yet to come in mine. Because –
30. Thirty isn’t old.
Again, a little louder, for those at the back.
Thirty isn’t old.
You heard me.
Thirty. Is. Not. Old.
Me? I’m just getting started over here.
I’ll keep you posted.
Adventures of an Anglaise 
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