Valentine’s Day, your way

You’d think a day dedicated to all things love and romance would be a universal hit — but I’m pretty sure the 14th February is at least as disdained and/or dreaded as it is eagerly awaited. The rampant commercialism, the romantic pressure, the impossibility of finding a table in a half-decent restaurant. The having-your-singleness-rubbed-in-your-face. The plethora of pink, heart-shaped tat overrunning shop windows and email inboxes alike. I suppose that’s the rampant commericalism again. No bloody escaping it.

Personally, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. For me, romance feels most romantic when it’s spontaneous, or at least random. I love the surprise element of an out-of-the-ordinary gesture; something that says “I was thinking of you just because“. A designated day prescribing romance en masse is somewhat at odds with what makes those gestures meaningful, in my opinion. It defeats the object if they feel like an obligation.

I’ve certainly experienced more lacklustre Valentine’s Days than not. The first time I had a boyfriend for the occasion (aged 16), said boyfriend left me waiting at the train station for almost three hours, whilst I impatiently/angrily/fearfully/tearfully tried to get hold of him to find out wherethefuckhewas. Sleeping, it transpired — he’d stayed up into the early hours, gaming with his friends. Though he did try to convince me that his late night was essentially because of me, on account of the card he’d painstakingly… folded in half for me. There was a single heart drawn on the front. I’ve seen more elaborate crafting efforts from literal toddlers. 

Then there was the guy I’d thus far been on a grand total of one date with, who presented me with a heart-shaped shackle necklace and, horrifyingly, decreed “you can wear it every day from now on”. A year later, the same guy (by this point, inexplicably, my boyfriend) decided Valentines Day was a good time to reveal a keen interest in certain illegal narcotics. The same illegal narcotics he’d spent the entire year-long duration of our relationship claiming to be vehemently against, incidentally. I quote: “you wouldn’t have agreed to date me if you knew the real me.” In a less unhinged, but somewhat hurtful revelation, a third boyfriend announced over a Valentines breakfast that he’d never liked holding my hand. (Nor anyone else’s, but still.)

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ALL of that said, (and perhaps a testament to my inability to learn certain types of life lessons), you will not find me pitching my tent in the anti-Valentines camp. Au contraire. Blame my hopelessly romantic streak (I’m a writer living in Paris for goodness sake), but I think any reminder and/or excuse to make someone feel loved is categorically A Good Thing. 

Because, let’s face it: most of us get a little lazy in long-term relationships. Perhaps you tell your partner you love them every day — but do you tell them why? You might go out for dinner fairly often, but do you take the time to pick out a place you think they’ll really appreciate? Do you surprise each other? Go out of your way to make each other feel special? Maybe you do all this on a regular basis, in which case, kudos to you and your exemplary relationship. But, (reasonably,) most couples don’t think to, or find time to in their busy daily lives, and that’s where Valentine’s Day serves a really lovely purpose. 

It doesn’t have to be cheesy, or contrived, or expensive. It can be as simple as an opportunity to test out a new recipe and light a couple of those candles you insist on saving for special occasions. It can be an excuse to try that restaurant you can’t quite justify on any old Wednesday. It can be a chance to dress up a little, put on the new lipstick, use a splash of cologne/perfume. Maybe it’s just having breakfast together before work instead of flying out the door with an air kiss and a toast-wielding wave. Above all, it’s a prompt to share your feelings, whether that’s in writing, or out loud — or just by doing something that makes it clear to your person how much they mean to you. 

And if you don’t have that person? I know it can be a tough day, depending on what’s going on in your life, but genuinely, some of my best ever Valentine’s Days have been single ones. Celebrating “Galentines” (or… “Palentines”? Did I just make that up?) is great if you’ve got single friends to spend the evening with. But actually, more often, I’ve used it as an opportunity to show some love to me, myself and I. An excuse to treat myself in the most girly, Hollywood-depiction-of-a-single-woman way possible. We’re talking takeaway, movie, face mask… Maybe a decadent little dessert from the patisserie. Definitely a glass of wine (or two). Full. Scale. Pampering.

If you ask me, the 14th February is a lot like the 31st December, in that it is whatever you make it. If you harbour expectations of having The Most Magical Night Of The Year, you’re probably going to be disappointed. If you compare your evening to the evenings of those Instagram influencers you pretend not to avidly follow, you’re almost definitely going to be disappointed. But if, on the other hand, you approach Valentine’s Day as a lovely opportunity to spend some quality time with, and/or do something sweet for someone you love, you can’t really go wrong. 

So, whatever you do with it, and whoever you do it with: have a happy Valentine’s Day!

That’s an order.